Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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