Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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