and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
