btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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