Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize