Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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