from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So squirting runs in the family.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
