May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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