If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
