I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
