life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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