So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
