Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
