Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
