Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
