I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
