I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
