You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
