i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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