My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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