This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
