Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
