now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Randomize
