chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
