shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
