I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i came on her dog
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize