The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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