I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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