Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
