what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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