sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
