So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
