I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
