You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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