dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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