someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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