So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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