for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
