Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
