i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
