Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
