Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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