my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
