so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
