before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
