I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
