haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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