I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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