A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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