Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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