I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
