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i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
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