proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬