He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
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organizing the empties. That sober.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
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Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."