My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
