what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
