I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
