she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
