I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My first STD was from a foam party
Where is the hickey?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
