new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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