covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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