No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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