what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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