Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
